You are a fat disgusting slob who will never get laid

Oh my god, you're just such a fat bastard, aren't you?

I have never seen anything as big as that.

How did you get so big? You're bigger than the bloody house.

Oh my gosh, you know what? You just really need to go and hang yourself, you know.

Or you need to go on a diet, because that's not going to work.